Reality is simply reality. If one's experience is that it "sucks", then that is strictly from the thought that it "shouldn't be that way."
But if reality is reality, then it simply is what is, already - something that has already happened! - and it is foolish and fruitless to wish it were otherwise - it is impossible to have it be otherwise.
Yes, there is something that I might choose to do once I experience the signal of "discomfort" from what is occurring, but there is nothing to "resist" in what is occurring - it simply is unpleasant to me because I choose it, the thoughts, to be (except in the few times when there is body paid or threat of life or limb - see Threats And Fear write-up).
Each made-up, illegitimate fear produces the chemicals that signal the body that something is wrong and those chemicals are "unpleasant" to motivate the body to go into action to alleviate that unpleasantness.
ILLEGITIMATE FEARS AND PAIN
But make no mistake, a legitimate fear occurs so infrequently that we can rely on the fact that we create almost all the pain, suffering, and discomfort - learning this and accepting it is one of the first keys to living a dramatically, dramatically better life.
Reality pain = less than 1% of our "bad" experiences
Created pain = more than 99% of our "bad" experiences
Either kind of pain is real pain, but 99+% is unnecessary! It seems it might be worth some amount of our time to eliminate at least 80% of the 99+% - and create a dramatic, dramatic difference in the quality of the experience of life!!!
LIKE A MATHEMATICAL EQUATION, WITH A "NET" GOOD
Reality is like a mathematical equation, with some unknown values to some of the inputs:
Good stuff minus bad stuff minus the price we pay = The "Net" Good In Life
Increase the "good" stuff --> Increase the "Net"
Decrease the "bad" stuff --> Increase the "Net"
Decrease the price paid --> Increase the "Net"
Change all three to the positive --> +++++++++ "Net"
To get the greatest payoff, we would have to be aware of and choose first to do the most important
20% to get 80% of the benefits. One must understand this principle - see www.Live8020.com.
SOME BAD STUFF IS BEYOND MY CONTROL, BUT...
What I am dealing with in this piece, right now, is accepting that there are some things I cannot control, and therefore, I'll experience some "bad" stuff, period. But I also can create less "bad" if I don't add "bad" to it - and I can control the thoughts that express the erroneous, damaging beliefs I use as my "filter" through which I perceive life.
TRAINING WORTH IT?
Yes, it takes some training, but that training is more than worth it! We should never accept the cynic or the resigned or the unknowledgeable, when they say that you'll never be able to control your thoughts, so just have fun - bull manure!!!! (See "Mind Management" section of the sister site.)
EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE - AND A CHOICE TO BUY
The "price" paid to "buy" an experience I want is simply the "price" I pay, which I chose in order to get what I wanted. And sometimes I pay a price and don't get what I want, but that is not an "extra" price, it is just an unanticipated price as I misjudged reality - reality is that no matter what I do that is right, I may not get it - but that happens only a small amount of the time if I am learning the key things I need to know
to successfully execute - again it is like an equation, use all the steps and one gets a good result.
Sometimes, I also misestimate the price.
But the average, if I am fairly aware and knowledgeable is very reliable.
I choose to "buy" things that are very worth it, such as survival things and happiness, and I "pay" a price.
THE PRICE CONSISTS OF TWO THINGS
The price I pay is always in terms of two things: the pain (chemical discomfort) I experience and/or the giving up of the estimated value of something else I can do with my time - the reality is that I must "give up" something, as I cannot have it all, since I am a time limited being. But I can have a great deal!
And, if I am miserable about or resenting the price I am paying, I am merely increasing the price - all unnecessarily. And I choose not to be "stupid" about it. The price I pay in terms of giving up something else is simply the price that is necesssary to get what I want. SIMPLE!
I CAN CONTROL THIS
Once I realize that the "bad" is simply a signal within the body, then I can simply interrupt that signal - and there we have born the idea that thought control and body relaxation has a great positive effect that we can actually implement, relatively easily. How hard is it to simply relax my body or exercise or just move - which changes the signals!!! And they can be done in almost an instant - if I get some solid training in it.
Worth the effort to learn? You bet!!!
A FEW REALITIES THAT I CAN AND WILL ACCEPT
Now, I must anticipate and accept "reality" and paying the price for this great opportunity called life.
The IRS unfairly trying to tax me - and sometimes losing because of their greater power.
My spouse gets upset with me for no reason I think is legitimate and I need to spend time doing things
to limit the damage. My choice to act and spend the time. Life just has unanticipated things, but the
opportunity is great overall.
I have to do a whole bunch of unexpected work - and "I want to have more fun...". Well, I choose to
make a living and eat and have a house, so this is no big deal. I will create all the time and space I
truly need, which if done smartly from my learning, will not take so much time. This is all ok and life
is good overall.
(Or: "My boyfriend is hugely in debt, thinking unrealistically and avoiding the reality of having to work
and make money, and this will take away from the qualiity of our time together...." Yes, this is all
part of my having chosen him and part of the shifts in life - I now get a choice, to support him fully,
not judge him, and to love him fully... and, for now, that is in my judgment worthwhile and I will feel
good about that and be sure to take care of myself.
"Oh, if I could only have this time back." No, I'm paying an appropriate and natural price as a cost of
being alive, to get what I want. I shall do this and I can be neutral about it, or better yet, I recognize
this as just a part of life and that I get a bigger payoff overall in life than if I weren't alive - so it is
good and I choose to be happy and grateful in this moment.
"Oh, I don't want to do this. Maybe I'll just put it off or maybe it'll go away." What a miserable
thought. I could just choose to do this thing now and at least feel a bit of satisfaction at doing it
now - and a lightening of the burden I would have had with one more undone I could feel bad about.
As you can see, it is all about "internal conversations" that I create and can control myself (see link relevant to that area). I can choose "ain't it awful" (and the various supporting phrases to it) or I can choose "hey, this is all part of a great whole!" My choice! And I choose the latter - and to learn anything I need to in order to be able to make that choice. I accept reality as reality. I accept the price I choose to pay as the choice I make to pay to buy something I want. I manage and control my thoughts and my life to create what I think is best and most worthwhile for me, using the wisdom of the 80/20 way of life.